Sometimes, regardless of my age, I still feel as insecure as a teen on the first day of school. It’s difficult to separate what I produce from my identity, so if people don’t comment on my post or like my photo or buy my book, I can easily internalize it as a sign that they don’t like me. Although I know deep down it’s not true, the insecurity is there all the same, and it makes me uncomfortable with myself. Like most of us, I’m not only trying to understand the world and the people around me, but I’m also still struggling to understand myself, my inclinations, and my motivations.
This is why I find the Enneagram so interesting; it gives a glimpse into what makes me tick. I’m particularly fascinated by descriptions of what my number (or personality type) looks like in either a healthy or an unhealthy state. The first time I read a description of how my number often behaves under stress, it felt like someone had followed me around when I was under a deadline or in a place of conflict and took notes.
I’m an Enneagram Three, sometimes called The Achiever (I kind of like that one) and sometimes called The Performer (that one, not so much).We are success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptable, and driven. We’re self-motivated and pride ourselves on exceeding expectations. But we constantly compare ourselves to others, we look at opportunities to succeed also as opportunities to fail, and unfortunately — although we may understand the unconditional nature of God’s love — we believe our value is tied to what we achieve.
Here’s what the Bible says about that:
Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour.
Titus 3:5-6 (NKJV)
My heart knows my identity is in Christ. However, sometimes I live like my identity is rooted in what I do or can produce.
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