I begin some mornings by finishing the previous day’s work: emptying or filling the dishwasher; sponging the counters; clearing the dining room table; cleaning the stove. It feels good to start the day fresh.
This morning the pie holders, pans, bowls, and spoons finally took their places and the dishwasher hummed before the kids crawled out of bed. I was determined to have a productive day, accomplish a lot.
I usually make lunch but we had Ramen noodles, which are easy for the kids to prepare. I have a love-hate relationship with Ramen noodles: love the ease and the price, hate the mess. Unless you’ve never had them in your home or your kids are a whole lot neater than mine, you can probably relate.
When I walked in the kitchen after lunch I couldn’t believe the mess: counter and sink covered in bowls caked with noodle remains; hard, uncooked pieces on the floor and scattered across the counter; two half-finished glasses of orange juice and a plate of orange slices on the table.
Although no one else was in the room, my mind screamed, “Do you know how hard I worked in here this morning? Does anyone care how much I do? Doesn’t anyone appreciate me?”
Me. Me. Me. (blah, blah, blah)
You set yourself up for anger and hurt feelings when you take a situation like this and turn it into a personal assault. Been there, done that (didn’t want the t-shirt). Don’t mistake your child’s immaturity, laziness, messiness, or lack of training for personal rebellion against you. Sometimes it just isn’t there.
It’s important to raise responsible kids and I called them back to the scene of the crime to clean up after themselves. And yes, I did point out that the kitchen was clean before they started. I want my kids to respect me and my efforts or those of anyone that serves them. My kids know I expect them to be reasonably neat at restaurants, stores, or anywhere that someone else has to pick up after them, even if that person is being paid and it’s their job.
In a nutshell:
- Raise responsible kids.
- Make them accountable for picking up after themselves but be willing to pitch in and work together sometimes.
- Don’t take it personally
ifwhen you find a mess. It’s not about you.
Can you relate?
***
All 31 Days of Real Life posts can be found here. Other 31 Dayers can be found here.
I can totally relate, Dawn. This is short and sweet, with very good points.
Thanks, I needed to hear it.
🙂
Hope you all are well.
~J
My boys are the worst. Two boys and one girl. I will have the house clean and polished and in a matter of two seconds when they get home I have book bags and shoes and papers everywhere. Im like hey can you not see that the house is clean? Oh sorry they say but just move their stuff in a corner. If their room doesnt get clean the way we want it and it if continues to stay bad then we pack up their stuff and dump it. They have lost many things by doing that. My daughter is a different story all together…she is clean. She is 11 and can out work and out wit her older brothers anytime. Food and kitchen wise…make it yourself easy mac n cheese gets everywhere…that cheese powder and kool aid powder. Drives me crazy!!! They make the kool aid and if they spill the sugar, yeah they might wipe it off the counter…..into the floor. Its those little surprises that make me mad. The sign in my kitchen read “this house isnt under construction, kids just live here”. I do not like a mess but sometimes I sit back and look at it and if I am in a decent mood and think, someday they will be gone..off into their own lives and there wont be a mess anymore… no more fingerprints on the door. Will I miss it, yes probably….but revenge is sweet….just wait till I go to their new house. I wont be helping them with the dishes!!
Mwahahaha! We’ll spoil their kids and dirty their dishes. 😉
Yeah, thats right!! My 17 year old is wanting to go into culinary and he has been looking around at schools far away from here cause he knows it bothers me but I just tell him it doesnt matter cause wherever he goes I go..Im going to buy a house right next door. He’s not quite sure what to say to that. I think part of him believes thats true. He tells me, well Im not going to give you grandkids…that he is going to get a German Shephard cause he knows im afraid of them…but I tell him with me living right next door, a big thick steak thrown over in the yard everday that dog will love me! He just shakes his head…..
So true…we do often see what others do as a personal attack on ourselves. I know I do that, not even with my own kids, but just people in general. My kids are still so little that I haven’t had to deal with this quite yet, but I’m glad I read this. It will help me meditate on it and prepare for when it does happen!
i was thinking about this idea as it is today. i clean up for Connor in the kitchen all the time. i mean, i know he’s just kinda messy in that way and wouldn’t just pick it all up and clean it even if he were living on his own, but.. i think it’s important to point out that i’d appreciate it if he’d start cleaning up after himself as, for one, it’s a good habit of respect for not just me but in the future for a wife, and two, it’s just good for character not leave things around knowing that you’re not gonna have to clean it up later, some one else will. it’s a growing up step, taking responsibility onto yourself and away from others. try to see if you can’t affectionately get this concept over onto Christian, he’d benefit i know, though the time kill isn’t so much fun.
Jacque, you were caught in my spam filter! I hope you’re doing well, too. 🙂
Marybeth, you’ve made a great point. I tend to take things way too personally with other people—not just my kids—sometimes, too.
Hi! Just found your blog via Ellen at homemade recess! Love this post! I also homeschool and my main frustration is the never ending mess cycle! I needed this perspective today! Can’t wait to read more of your blog!